“You stupid woman” (our inner critical voice)

‘You stupid woman’, ‘you idiot’, ‘you always get it wrong’, ‘you loser…’

Sound familiar? That’s because you probably talk to yourself in a very similar way. This is called our inner critical voice, and boy, can it be LOUD. Sometimes it feels like someone is stomping around in our brains pointing out all the things we have done wrong. Anything that has been achieved is quickly brushed to the side or minimised- ‘okay, so you did a good thing then but to be fair it was really easy…’ Anything we can berate ourselves with becomes the preoccupation of our negative thoughts and feelings. Is it any wonder we can feel so down, angry, anxious, and stressed so often.

Why do we do it? It is possible that we have internalised these thoughts from our childhood, experiences at school, jobs and relationships. However, even if you’ve managed to go through life relatively unscathed by these experiences, it is unlikely that you’ve not been sucked in by social media. It’s not easy scrolling through airbrushed celebrities without comparing, even when we know they are airbrushed- ‘why can’t I look like….?’ ‘no wonder you can’t lose weight, Gweneth Paltrow wouldn’t eat chocolate!’

This critical chatter needs taming; but to do this, you need to realise you are doing it. Becoming conscious of our inner critical voice is not always easy. If you’ve achieved a gold star in self-criticism, chances are, you don’t even notice you are doing it.

Try to pay attention to any negative feelings you have, so for example, if you suddenly feel annoyed or find yourself in a bad mood, notice it. Then, try to think what has contributed to the mood shift, and see if you can spot any of those critical thoughts. I bet you can. Once you’ve got to grips with this, try and take note of how many times you do it. You’ll be surprised just how horrible we can be to ourselves.

Then what? Well, this is where you have a choice. Continue to talk to yourself in this way; a way that you would never treat anyone you love. Or, try to act with love and kindness. You see, most of us are compassionate when it comes to our friends, family and loved ones, but we struggle to apply the same compassion to ourselves. It’s almost like there is a rule where everyone else can be human, and can make mistakes, and we forgive them, but when it comes to ourselves we have our own set of rules – we must be perfect.

Up for a challenge? Great! Next time you start beating yourself up for beating yourself up sakes, remember to treat yourself like you would treat someone you love. Would you really be so harsh? I don’t think so.